when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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