Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
