We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
