shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize