Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
