Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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