just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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