I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
