I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
