I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
