I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
