I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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