just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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