He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
