a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
