My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
