You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
