...so i touched it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
