and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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