Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's like iHOP with fire
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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