Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize