I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
