i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
