Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
