Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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