Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize