I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize