is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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