dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize