I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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