Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
