I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
