I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
