my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
