does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
