What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize