People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
are you so shy because you have an std?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
