You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
