I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
