Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
