So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
