you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
