I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
