he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
