I wish I could teleport
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
