I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
