He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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