I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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