You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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