i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
