i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
