im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She told me I should be a condom model.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
