I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
