Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
