If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize