this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
