Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize