He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize