YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
