I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
