I wish my penis had an off switch
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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