So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
