i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
