Will you blow on my dice?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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