Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
