I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
