i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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