once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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