She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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