I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
