I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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