Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Go christen that room with your naked body.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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